CAN Paul McKenna make me thin?

He says he can.

Hi. I've been overweight more or less my whole life. There's no way around the fact that I would like to be thin, and fit, and healthy. I always thought the primary problem was how much I loved food and how lazy I am.

Not so, says Paul. He says I have been programmed, by others and myself, to respond in a certain way to food. When I sit down to a meal that I'm really excited to eat, that I know is gonna be SO good, I inhale it. I eat all of it, leaving my plate clean. Paul is giving me four new rules to approach food with. They are:

1. When you're hungry, eat!
- starving yourself messes with your metabolism. It makes you crave and then binge on food later. It leads to guilt and stress. So when you're hungry, eat food.

2. Eat what you want.
- creating "forbidden foods" makes you want it even more, and gives guilt when your impulse-control fails. Do you like some foods a lot more than others, food that you would consider your favorite? You feel guilty when you eat them, don't you? Well stop the guilt. Eat the food, because you like the food. (am I blowing your mind yet?)

3. Eat consciously.
- with each bite of your food, PUT DOWN THE EATING UTENSILS. Chew slowly, and think about the food, and listen to your stomach. Are you still hungry? Then take another bite. It should feel like you're eating excessively slow. Think about the flavors. Enjoy your food! Turn off the tv and the distractions and just eat.

4. When you think you're full, stop eating.
- You're going to leave food on your plate. THAT'S OK. That maybe even be considered good. And you know, there are refrigerators. There are microwaves. And there are your thighs. Where do you want that food (which you're not even hungry for!) to end up? And when you're hungry later, you can go eat again! It's ok! Listen to your body and let it tell you when to stop.

So yes, I'm going to listen to Paul. If he thinks he can make me thin, then let's do this man. I will follow your rules. And if I lose weight, I'm going to be happy. And if I don't...well, then that sucks but life goes on, right?

There are other things he's going to teach me next sunday. (Sunday's at 9 on TLC!) Each week I'll learn some new tricks to keep me losing weight. And he keeps bringing on these people who were heavier than me, and are now skinny and beautiful! It almost makes me want to hope!!

Lets do this Paul. Lets make me thin.

<3 me.

Oh Yeah.

So here's the thing.

I have certain things I gotta do. I gotta complete this course, and get myself graduated in May. I think I can do that if I just focus (which can be a struggle all on it's own, admittedly).

Then I have this job opportunity in June. I'm really really really excited about it, but I don't think I should put all my eggs in that one basket. I don't think I should but I seem to be doing it, because I HATE applying for jobs. Hate it. So much. Hate filling out all the stupid forms and I look so pathetic on paper. So idk.

And then how all my dreams just get in the way! I want a new computer, so I can have an ipod touch, and I want a car...all this besides my consuming desire for an apartment of my own. And I have no income, because all my eggs are in THAT basket. So.

I don't know what I should be doing with myself right now except getting that grade and finishing that degree. It's so frustrating because I just want it all NOW you know? I'm not a particularly patient person. I mean, waiting in line or at the doctors office or stuck in traffic, I'm fine. But waiting for my goals to get met...OMG NO. Not patient at all.

So to distract myself from this irritation I've been spending money, which I've come to realize is pretty much the exact opposite of what I should be doing, seeing how limited my funds are right now. I'm still over 600 in my savings, but that won't last if I keep doing what I've been doing...buying little things online, going out for drinks with my friends on the weekends. But these things make me feel like I'm DOING something. I can't just sit around the house and watch tv and clean and watch the days go by. That's not working out for me. I get stir crazy. I AM stir crazy. I want out of this.

- Maddie