So my life has been, since Monday, primarily occupied with the training and entertainment of my new longhair dachshund puppy, Bean. I love her to little pieces of pieces, even though she can be a perfect terror sometimes. <3 To read daily updates on our struggles and successes and general gab on my ideas behind dog training, visit Bean's blog at http://doxiebean.blogspot.com/ . I'm going to talk about NON-Bean related things in THIS blog, so as not to sound like a total mushball insane dog person, but trust me, it's all a show.
So I went to Miesha's place Thu-Sun, and it was an absolutely AWESOME time. We played, shopped (welllll, grocery shopped) ate delicious food, and saw one HELL of an awesome concert! Now that I look back, I can't believe I got to see Eddie Izzard. He's really like, the ONLY celebrity I "follow" in any way - like I know some of his history and I've heard all his routines and noticed his appearance in movies and tv and such. We (Miesha and I) agree it was hardly his best show, but even Eddie's worst routine would be better than LOTS of comics' best, so it was still lovely and a good time was had by all. Miesha and I had some good talks, which were mostly (and unfortunately) about me, and about religion and my current struggles with it. I excuse myself a little since I was having SUPER CRAZY HORMONE days, like crying at ridiculous things and getting irritated or angry for no good reason. Stupid hormones. PMS is the pits! But still...it's nice to process yourself outloud sometimes, and Miesha was nice enough to let me. Love you sister. I don't talk much about my feelings on this subject because I feel mostly prickly and conflicted and don't much like to talk to people who are...well, less conflicted. But it was good food for thought anyway.
On the way home we stopped by Dom and Kelsie's and I got to meet a baby related to pigpigpigpigpigpig and pigpig herself! The rule is you can attatch as many "pigs" onto her name as you feel like at the time, you see. Well pigpigpig is SOOOOO full of little babies! She looks like she has two fur covered barrels strapped to her sides. I was informed by mom that I'm not allowed to have one, and since I have Bean now it wouldn't be fair to a baby guinea pig since I give so much attention to my dog and the guinea pig wouldn't get played with enough/much. But still...it'd be adorible! I also got to see his ridiculously flourishing flora fruit and vegetable plants and his chickens. Chickens with feathers on their feet, that do not yet lay eggs. Right now, all they do is eat, poop, sleep and make noise. Like a baby, but without the cuddling and with more feathers. AND they gave me PRESENTS! It was like the birthday that wouldn't end! A ridiculous amount of wonderful presents which made me feel sheepish and wonder what I did to deserve presents of that amount. I guess they like me. lol.
I could see myself living ala Dom and Kelsie. Really. Off on my own in a wooded place. I'd want the house already there, but I'd love to keep my own garden, and I'd have lots of roses that the deer would probably come out of the woods to munch on in the thoughtful manner that deer prefer when destroying carefully tended flora. And maybe a kiln out back. I'd have a studio with a wheel, and a big easel and a light box and a desk for crafting with wire and paper and such. And my kitchen would be my own and I would know everything in every cupboard, and it would be filled only with food I liked, and I could eat as much or as little of any item as I wanted. I would wake up on a clear, cold morning and wrap up in a shawl and take a hot cup of tea to the front porch and just sit on the steps with my dog and watch the sun move and the birds fly and the time pass.
I've always seen myself living alone. Sometimes I think that's lonely, but most of the time, and now included, I just think it's ideal. To live all on my own, I can have all my eccentricities without critique, and I have no one to ask permission from and no one to apologize to. I can just be. When you're with other people, how do you just "be"? I, at least, am always focused on the needs and concerns of the other person or people. I try to help myself "not care" what other people feel or think about me, but until I'm away from people I always feel an under-current of stress, a certain degree of tension in everything I do and say and think about. I don't think of myself as high-strung really. As soon as I get away and on my own it's all so much better and I'm just content. Alone is where I learn, and where I make art, and where I sing, and where I am happiest. It seems to me that people think that those who choose to live alone and away from others are weird and maybe dangerous. Well, for weird, I fit the bill. But I am extremely not dangerous, lol. And of course I'd go to the town and spend cash once a week or so with groceries and some socializing. I wouldn't be completely cut off, I do like interacting with people...just not all the time. Not even the majority of the time. And well, I think that's ok. As long as I do good in the world and make some kind of difference, I think I'll be alright.
And...that's enough thought for now, it is SO bed time.
<3 me.
