a quick update on life.

Alright, I know it's like...SOOOOO late, but I'm so behind on posting about my life that I decided (executive decision style) that I need to at least say something about what's been going on!

So I have my puppy, Bean. We've covered that she's a HUGE part of my life - her potty training is going well, she's on her second week of recovery from her spay and her incision and stitches look just great. She's a puppy so she has so much energy it's amazing. All that energy is totally wasted right now though, as i don't dare take her on walks or let her play with the big dogs as long as she has her stitches in! She's a low rider, you know, and could easily rub her belly on something while say, jumping up a curb, and rub her incision or even pull her stitches. So I play with her a bit in the grass each time we go out, and for now that's ok. She's a lub.

For the last two weeks I've been house sitting/cat sitting/dog sitting for Teresa and her mom. A little extra money, but mostly it was so that I could love somewhere else for a while and just get the feel of apartment life. It's a really really really good feel. Sure makes me want one of my own! Chris, Teresa's beau, told me he has a friend looking for a roommate, and rent wouldn't be over 300. Vancouver proper. It sounds too good to be true and that maybe...but I'm willing to take the chance at least to meet him and get a sense of the situation.

Also I got hired. FOR SERIOUS! I'm working with Lifetouch, the school photo company. I'm a photographer. Yeah, it's actually a lot of fun. I thought it would be kind of like santa photos...just kind of poke a button, let the machine do it's thing, get yelled at by parents and kids etc. But it's a lot more hands on with the photography, and you get to actually pose the kids more and interact more. It's fantastic! And yeah, high paced and difficult kids and parents even sometimes, but I like an element of challenge to my work. My coworkers are, on the whole, amazing but no real potential "friends" as far as I've met so far. I'm really choosey about that afterall, and shy. Maybe more shy than choosey. I think I'd rather confide my whole life story to a stranger than let them see my bedroom or have a meal with me. People are so unpredictable, afterall.

Tomorrow I go in for a meeting for work, which I'm not looking forward to. Beaverton. Rush hour on the way back, without a doubt. But also submitting paperwork, and next week another paycheck...which will be good news of course. Any money is good money.

So for a while I wanted a Wii. Now I only a tiny bit do. Because...want is the root of pain, isn't it? Do I know nothing of Hinduism? Buddhism? Taoism? And even Christ asks us to consider the lilies of the field, the creatures of the air, etc. It would put me back financially, when I need to be saving for moving out and funding my dreams. I'm a squirrel in the fall, storing nuts everywhere to feed me through the winter. I don't need to piddle it away on toys. And I'm not great at the self-control thing or being responsible so that's a pretty big thing for me to recognize I think. Semi-mature of me.

I better go to sleep so I'm not wiped tomorrow at the meeting.

I'm really looking forward to Sunday...I'm going to see what the Protestants up the street are up to, and see if it doesn't feel the little hole in my heart that's been there since leaving Minnesota and coming to this religious desert! I know there is a place for me.

Artistically, I'm about to start a piece for miesha...a giant ear in charcoal. Technical drawing!!! OOoooh! THere's a huge and awesome challenge! I'm so looking forward to that too.

My health has been alright. Yesterday there was a fuzzy brain migraine and I've got this little cold clinging to me. But my PCOS and my IC are doing alright with only occasional flare ups of the IC if I don't drink enough water or cheat with the caffeine. Then I deserve it of course.

Overall...I'm really happy with life right now. Sunny spot! I'm glad for that. I have some friends going through some dark times and I'm glad I can be light for them!!

That's about it, night night!

- me

My Little Beanie-Weenie!

So my life has been, since Monday, primarily occupied with the training and entertainment of my new longhair dachshund puppy, Bean. I love her to little pieces of pieces, even though she can be a perfect terror sometimes. <3 To read daily updates on our struggles and successes and general gab on my ideas behind dog training, visit Bean's blog at http://doxiebean.blogspot.com/ . I'm going to talk about NON-Bean related things in THIS blog, so as not to sound like a total mushball insane dog person, but trust me, it's all a show.

So I went to Miesha's place Thu-Sun, and it was an absolutely AWESOME time. We played, shopped (welllll, grocery shopped) ate delicious food, and saw one HELL of an awesome concert! Now that I look back, I can't believe I got to see Eddie Izzard. He's really like, the ONLY celebrity I "follow" in any way - like I know some of his history and I've heard all his routines and noticed his appearance in movies and tv and such. We (Miesha and I) agree it was hardly his best show, but even Eddie's worst routine would be better than LOTS of comics' best, so it was still lovely and a good time was had by all. Miesha and I had some good talks, which were mostly (and unfortunately) about me, and about religion and my current struggles with it. I excuse myself a little since I was having SUPER CRAZY HORMONE days, like crying at ridiculous things and getting irritated or angry for no good reason. Stupid hormones. PMS is the pits! But still...it's nice to process yourself outloud sometimes, and Miesha was nice enough to let me. Love you sister. I don't talk much about my feelings on this subject because I feel mostly prickly and conflicted and don't much like to talk to people who are...well, less conflicted. But it was good food for thought anyway.

On the way home we stopped by Dom and Kelsie's and I got to meet a baby related to pigpigpigpigpigpig and pigpig herself! The rule is you can attatch as many "pigs" onto her name as you feel like at the time, you see. Well pigpigpig is SOOOOO full of little babies! She looks like she has two fur covered barrels strapped to her sides. I was informed by mom that I'm not allowed to have one, and since I have Bean now it wouldn't be fair to a baby guinea pig since I give so much attention to my dog and the guinea pig wouldn't get played with enough/much. But still...it'd be adorible! I also got to see his ridiculously flourishing flora fruit and vegetable plants and his chickens. Chickens with feathers on their feet, that do not yet lay eggs. Right now, all they do is eat, poop, sleep and make noise. Like a baby, but without the cuddling and with more feathers. AND they gave me PRESENTS! It was like the birthday that wouldn't end! A ridiculous amount of wonderful presents which made me feel sheepish and wonder what I did to deserve presents of that amount. I guess they like me. lol.

I could see myself living ala Dom and Kelsie. Really. Off on my own in a wooded place. I'd want the house already there, but I'd love to keep my own garden, and I'd have lots of roses that the deer would probably come out of the woods to munch on in the thoughtful manner that deer prefer when destroying carefully tended flora. And maybe a kiln out back. I'd have a studio with a wheel, and a big easel and a light box and a desk for crafting with wire and paper and such. And my kitchen would be my own and I would know everything in every cupboard, and it would be filled only with food I liked, and I could eat as much or as little of any item as I wanted. I would wake up on a clear, cold morning and wrap up in a shawl and take a hot cup of tea to the front porch and just sit on the steps with my dog and watch the sun move and the birds fly and the time pass.

I've always seen myself living alone. Sometimes I think that's lonely, but most of the time, and now included, I just think it's ideal. To live all on my own, I can have all my eccentricities without critique, and I have no one to ask permission from and no one to apologize to. I can just be. When you're with other people, how do you just "be"? I, at least, am always focused on the needs and concerns of the other person or people. I try to help myself "not care" what other people feel or think about me, but until I'm away from people I always feel an under-current of stress, a certain degree of tension in everything I do and say and think about. I don't think of myself as high-strung really. As soon as I get away and on my own it's all so much better and I'm just content. Alone is where I learn, and where I make art, and where I sing, and where I am happiest. It seems to me that people think that those who choose to live alone and away from others are weird and maybe dangerous. Well, for weird, I fit the bill. But I am extremely not dangerous, lol. And of course I'd go to the town and spend cash once a week or so with groceries and some socializing. I wouldn't be completely cut off, I do like interacting with people...just not all the time. Not even the majority of the time. And well, I think that's ok. As long as I do good in the world and make some kind of difference, I think I'll be alright.

And...that's enough thought for now, it is SO bed time.

<3 me.

I'M GETTING MY OWN DOG!!!

So today was my parents 31st wedding aniversary. That doesn't sound like it's connected to the title, but it is. So I made delicious lemon bars and helped set the table and make dinner. As we were sitting around at the end of the meal, Mara told us about this strange dream she had (I'm sure she'll relate it if you ask her) and then I mentioned (pout pout) how I seriously dream about having my own puppy or kitty every night. And I do. And dad said "now don't get all excited...etc etc...but I know someone with a dachshund who is looking for a new owner!" and I said "of course I say yes. I want my dog. That sounds like my dog - girl, small, cute! Meets my dog standards! But I was outvoted on this before since it's not my house." And mom and dad must have had a small conversation then, and they agreed to let me have my dog! They're going to pay for her, (my birthday gift! whee! Happy birthday to me!) and Mara is going to help me buy toys and bed and food for her! YAY!!!!

SO then Dad called the breeder/owner up (her name is Carol) and arranged for us to go up to her house right then and see the little girl. Her name is Annie right now, but I intend to rename her Bean - she's young enough to take to a new name pretty readily. My little Bean! Yay! She's a chocolate dapple longhair dachshund, and will never get above 10 lbs. Travel sized! We visited with Carol and Bean and her dachshund compadres, and Carol decided she unreservedly thought I would be a great owner for her little baby. Oh I'm so excited!

She looks A LOT like this, because this is her mommy!:


So that happens on Monday!

Tomorrow I go to a job interview with a photography company, which I look forward to. It's in the morning. I just don't know what to do with myself until I get my dog. Thankfully on Thursday or Friday I'll be going up to Bellingham and I'll have Miesha and my fam to distract me starting then. But honestly. OMG. I'm going to have my dog!


I'M GOING TO HAVE MY DOG AND LIFE IS GOING TO BE MORE AWESOME THAN EVER I'M SO EXCITED AHHHH!!!!


<3 me