blood tests and santa

So, my life right now is consumed with the following factors; health, work, and Dezi. Here's how they're effecting me (as far as I can determine).

Health: I did see my doctor, and she is concerned about my blood pressure and the liklihood of me having PCOS (Polycystic ovarian syndrome). I have all the earmarks for PCOS, the only thing left to determine are my androgin levels, which the bloodtests will be for. I plan on dropping by kaiser tomorrow and giving them my blood. It has to be fasting labs, so no breakfast, and nothing to eat until I go in. I hope gum doesn't count. She'll also be checking my blood for my insulin levels (which will probably be high) and my cholestoral, and checking my thyroid (which has tested out to be lower than average in the past, but not freakishly low or anything). A lot of my health problems will be resolved if I can just stand to lose 10 or 15 pounds. That's a different can of worms. Also, the possibility of Intercystic Cytosis looms ahead of me. The test for it is pretty awful sounding...cathader. Injecting irritating fluids into my bladder? Um, no thanks. But if that's what they need to do...maybe that's what I'll have to do. I don't really relish the prospect.

Job: I am paranoid about my employers reading my blog for some reason. Nobody but family reads this really, but you know. Who knows. Let's just say that I don't know if I'm fired or not right now, and it's driving me a little crazy. My manager has asked me to "come in on Sunday after church and help him iron out some paperwork, he'll redo the schedule then". This in no way implies that I am ON that newly revised schedule, really. It COULD just as easily imply that we will be filling out paperwork for my termination. Which is, quite frankly, a bitch no matter how you look at it. I do get Saturday off, so I can spend the day getting blood taken from me at Kaiser. But Sunday could turn out to be a day where I stoke my fires of resolve to do well at this job, or it would be a day where I shake the dust from my sandles and move on to something new. Either way...you know. I'm nervous. I wish he would just tell me and get it over with, but being demanding with him hasn't exactly worked out in my favor so far.

Dezi: is my girlfriend. We spend a few days together each week, working around eachother's schedules. She is such good stress relief; I just feel like I can decompress when I'm around her, I don't have to pussyfoot around my problems, and she is so good and kind and giving. Yesterday I rushed to the hospital because she had narrowly escaped being flattened by a hit and run black suv while crossing an intersection (yes she had the crosswalk light!) and she tore something up in her knee. She now has the pleasure of hobbling around on crutches in a leg immobilizer for at least two weeks, and then she'll get an MRI to determine if she'll need surgery. Sucks to be her. She's pretty calm about the whole thing; she's really not given to hysterics like I am. The crutches and the immobilizer really suck, but people do treat us nicer when we're together, since her injury. And I look cool carrying two purses instead of one.

I'm really just up in knots over the work thing. I worked today and did my damnedest. I did a good job; everything my manager wanted me to do and more, I remembered what I needed to, I did my best as I've done every day of this job. If I get fired now I don't think I'll have to take time to rebuild my self-confidence like I needed to after the internship. I'm going to apply to wallgreens no matter what happens; it's decent money, and from how Stinna describes it, a good job that may be more nurturing to my sensetive artistic nature. Haha. But really.

It's hard for me not to let it get under my skin and I'm trying hard to not let it. It is just a job; and a short term, very intense and highly demanding one. So if I get fired...well, maybe I won't get a good refrence, but I STILL will have retail experience. And if I don't, my manager has still not gotten back to me on specific areas where he'd like to see me improve, and once I really understand those complaints I know I can rock this job like a hurricane, get it done, and get my recommendations.

SO. Um, pray for me.