The Poem That Arises...

...from an interesting relationship THING I'm experiencing.

there are girls whose roots are tangled
with my meandering hands
and I’ve forgotten to be cautious
and that somehow that’s endearing

who ask me if I’ll dance with them
a little bit too close
who tease me back, who touch me back
who I frustrate into frenzy

I’m lucky and I know it
though the whole world fell to pieces
outside our arboretum
I couldn’t feel the leaves
I only fell to sleep

we’ve created our own time zone
it is Spring between my legs
and when I choose (I’ll have to choose)
and when the seasons catch up
You’ll see

the trees won’t be able to tell us
apart

...........

These girls, these lovely lovely girls! Yes, my situation with these three lovely girls is what gives me all the joy in my life right now. Everything outside of it is falling apart; my internship situation, my registration status, home life with Grandma, everything basically. But each girl gives me hope, and awakes me to parts of myself I had nearly forgotten.

Liz is my rock. Liz is there for me, and that's right back too. This is love without an end - and as cheesy as that sounds even to me I know it to be true. We've been together in one form or another for 3 years now. For the last year and a half we've been in different states, and still we call or text almost every day. She wants me, flaws and all. She's seen everything about me, and taken it in stride. And equally I've been trying to do the same with her; I recognize her flaws, but in the long run, they don't really matter. I feel as though if everything really does go to hell in a handbasket, I can go to Ohio and fuck, I could raise goats with her. And we would love eachother all the more. My complicated love life does not worry her; we're open.

CY is water to me. She is lucid, and I'm new for her. I could die the way she smiles at me. I could die how much I want to taste her lips! And for how little we've touched, it feels unbelievably right. I don't need to impress her, and she knows it's the same back. I've known her for nearly as long as I've known Liz. CY does not share her hidden, inner thoughts much. She is often very introverted, introspective, and what does come out of her mouth is always precious. She is unbelievably endering. Sometimes I wonder how much she might want from me; do I really seem attractive to her? She only haltingly touches me, but this could just be her shyness and self-control taking over. It was the same for me! I want to lay the whole world at her feet, to cover her with kisses, to satisfy her entirely. I want to lay with her and never get up again. I want to go with her to concerts, and proof-read her papers, and learn Japanese from her. I think we would have what it takes.

CT is fire to me. She is loyal to herself alone as far as I can tell, although she has expressed to me how much she wants me as her friend, as she doesn't feel she has many right now. I am unsure of how much she really desires me, or merely how much she knows I desire her, and this reflection is bright enough to blind her. I am not convinced she is actually attracted to me at all; but she enjoys teasing, and being teased, and touching, and being touched. She allows me to worship her. I have rarely know anyone so unbelievably, heart-stoppingly GORGEOUS in my life. And sexy. She knows how to drive a girl (or boy, for that matter) perfectly insane. She enjoys this. I have sworn off her many times, but I always come back. She knows she weakens me, she wears off the edges of my bad moods, she turns me on, and she will 'o wisps away. Her energy is boundless. She has put a spell on me that I am not interested in breaking. I want to drive her WILD. I want to see what she is hiding. She makes me evil too.

These are the girls in my REAL life.

There is also a girl, who lives far away, who I may never meet, but already adore. She does not realize she is beautiful. She's smarter than me. She has impeccable taste in music; a trait we may or may not share. I hope we get to stay friends for a while - I have lost friends on the internet several times, and it is always a little blow to my heart.

...my girls. My LUCK! I wonder what they see, when they look at me? I only have my own two eyes. But this is a little world I have built, independant of the life-altering struggle I live outside it. This is a little garden oasis for me. I have never been so content with anything in my whole life.

(fin)