aaahhhhhhhhhhhh ok, so I met a really really really awesome girl. She's cute she's interesting she's smart she's fun...I like her. I think I could like her a lot. And I'm going to be meeting her on Sunday.
We met through okc, and we just kind of hit it off.
I'm terrified. It's the same thing. Me being fat. I'm just terrified she'll meet me and decide um, not attractive weight problem, gonna have to pass. I know it's almost all me, I just can't see MYSELF as attractive. I wouldn't fuck me.
But why? Why wouldn't I be attracted to me? I'm sweet, I'm funny, I'm nice. I have interesting things to contribute to conversations. I'm not boring. My face is good; good lips, good smile, good eyes.
But I'm fat, yeah. A lot around the middle. But I'm not super obese. I'm not ugly really. It just makes me feel so insecure, like I deserve rejection because of it.
I need to sort this out and feel confident by Sunday. I really want to be confident of myself when I'm around her. I just...ok, I know this sounds rediculous, but I want to be right for her. She seems so awesome to me, so much of what I'd pick out if she were some make-believe "ideal" so. And our conversation today...it felt like we both wanted this to work, to become a real relationship. And I do.
Why don't I think I'm worthy of love?
- me
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